It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
