that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
