Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
