I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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