You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
