i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
