people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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