There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
