Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
