I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
