i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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