Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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