what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
