drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
