my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My bed smells like the plague
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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