i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
