fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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