new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
