im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
