i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
