what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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