Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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