you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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