i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
