I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
