even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
