Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
