Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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