addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
