3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My pussy is not your playground.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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