i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
