those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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