He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
