There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
