That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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