Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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