Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
