farters have to be the big spoon...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
