hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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