One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
