his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
