i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sober January is a disaster.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
