I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
