Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
