Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
