i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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