Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
