i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
