we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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