youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
