Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
