bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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